So I watch this one show called Supernatural. And it’s great, but not really going in the direction that I want. The producer peeps announced plans for a spin-off series prior to the start  of the current season. Got excited for its potential (and I still am), but of course that’s not going to turn out how I want either. 

So basically, I took yet another screenwriting class this semester and got away with writing Supernatural fanfiction as my semester-long screenplay assignment thing.

So here it is. For more info about the project, visit here or my inspo blog.

Clicky-click here to read: Hands Against The Sky

Harry Potter Appreciation

This is the emotional journey I take as I listen to John Williams’ Leaving Hogwarts:

The gentle ripple of harp strings parts the rushing waters of my mind, placating the turbulent rapids of my thoughts as if to still time for a moment. The slow intro, buoyant with quiet compassion, carries my soul aloft as it drifts towards the unique universe created by the brilliant Joan Rowling. A pause to remind me that silence too is precious. Then, the melodic refrain that harks back to a memorable moment of solitude when an 11-year-old Harry sat by his dormitory window and looked out with quiet wonder at the same starry sky as if it had been freshly painted on the ceiling of the earth; the bells underneath dust a layer of their own magic atop the imagery, and I can see the stars twinkling in Harry’s eyes, both so bright with life and innocence. All the tension evaporates from my body, and I sigh and unconsciously smile. The smile unfurls into a grin as a nod to Hedwig’s theme sets sail across that sky I’ve held onto so desperately with my mind in hopes that my fervor will transport it into my reality.

And then the build. My chest tightens, swollen with the inexpressible emotions each page imprinted on my heart, the colors carefully gathered and released in a burning explosion of poignant passion and nostalgia. It is a swift catharsis but so bursting full with vibrancy that there is no room for true sadness, and my tears shine with joy. Everything surges back again, flowing freely but with measured grace, so that my soul is never emptied of its light. And amid this rush I find tranquility, the eye of the colorstrom. I am both undone and so wholly redefined that I feel the tug of the astral plane on my heartstrings and my weeping becomes music of its own, no longer ugly or piteous.

When the final release comes, it hangs in the air, echoing in tribute, a sweet whispering farewell, as if it too would rather continue on forever. But like Harry, it accepts and embraces death, filling me with promise that my ordinary life might be as extraordinary as The Boy Who Lived, because I remember that so are we all. And in the aching silence that follows, I remind myself that if I too can lead a life of grace and humility, of friendship and courage, of intrepidity and hope, then perhaps I too will be able to embrace death with the same quiet fearlessness. And through my tears, I smile once more in gratitude and in bliss, because in my heart of hearts, at least for that one ephemeral moment, I know that all is well.

New Book! …with some complications…

I’m writing a new book! But I ran into a problem and I would really appreciate some advice: I’d like to have two of my side characters be openly gay, but I’m not sure if I should imply that my main character may be bisexual. (It’s either one or the other, not both. I am not turning this into Sherlock Holmes: A Gay of Gay Gay. No way.) Basically, I want to do something different and I feel like I’m already doing that with the two side characters, but I’m worried that either way I won’t be able to get it published (if I finish and actually follow through) due to touching on controversial subject matter.

Note that I’m writing for a preteen/teenage audience (although I guess it’d count as YA too since I’m not really a teenager anymore and I feel like it may appeal to people my age too.) I’m very aware that this is an issue many parents prefer their children not be exposed to, but I also want to allow the book to send a positive message about homosexuality if possible. Also note that it’s a sci-fi/fantasy novel, and the main theme does not concern sexual orientation whatsoever. I just thought it would be nice to include it as a subtle element if it’s not too problematic considering the intended age group.

J.K. Rowling admitted that she always imagined Dumbledore gay, but never once is it directly stated anywhere in the text. Initially, I wanted to do something similar with my protagonist (who is around 15 in the main events of the storyline), but felt it would be too controversial and wouldn’t sell. So I thought if I allowed other, more minor characters to replace the role it would be more “socially acceptable.” But I just don’t want to have to rely on the old cliche of the guy getting the girl in the end (or in the middle or whenever works) because it’s so overdone at this point, I’m tired of reading let alone writing things that way. Homophobia is a huge issue all over the world, and it would be wonderful to show younger readers that sexuality is nothing to fear or be ashamed of.

In Let The Right One In, the protagonist Oskar forms a special relationship with Eli whose gender and sexuality are never officially established, implying that the Oskar could be bisexual. The movie presents this in a way that remains unobtrusive to the plot action while still addressing it as one of several themes. (I haven’t read the book so I don’t know if this is further elaborated upon in the original text. However, I do know that the American remake eliminates this aspect completely which I don’t approve of, partially because it distorts the feel of the movie into something other than the author of the book intended, but mostly because it’s another example of America’s insistence on social conformity preventing self-expression and honesty with oneself about who we are as individuals and accepting whatever we find.

It’s almost ironic that I’m subjecting myself to the very rules I so despise, but I’ve grown up on them so it’s not like I can just erase them from my consciousness. And even if I do, that doesn’t mean to don’t matter or don’t apply to the rest of the country. Which still leaves me with the same problem.

I do realize that part of my desire to have this character possibly be bi is due to the copious amounts of slash fics, fanart and shipping wars I’ve been exposed to since I recently joined Tumblr and hopped on the fandom bandwagon. Not that I hadn’t been into (or at least okay with it) before- I’ve known about yaoi/yuri since an age earlier than I’d like to admit (which in itself perfectly exemplifies the very problem I’m wrestling with in regards to this story of mine.) But now that I’ve seen just how expansive it’s become, I feel like I can fully embrace it having found other people that have already done so. Not necessarily because I want to go “hardcore” and slash ship everything in sight – I know that’s not realistic and frankly not as much fun – but because I’ve discovered that it gives me the opportunity to explore my own sexuality in a healthy way.*

This is what I want to do for others with this book. Mainly, I just want to write a good fiction story that people will enjoy reading. But as a bonus, this would be nice. I want to get people thinking, not just reading, even though reading by itself is a wonderful goal. Please let me know what you think about all of this by commenting here, through my tumblr ask, my facebook, or youtube. I’d really appreciate it! Additionally, if you want to know more about the book or the characters before or after commenting with your opinions, please ask!

*Another part of this idea stems from the fact that I’m in college now; I’m allowed to experiment or have a lesbian phase if I feel like it. Not to say that I will, but because I’ve never given my own sexuality much thought until now, I don’t really know how I feel about it on a personal level. I have a close friend who always jokes with me about being “bicurious” and at first it annoyed me because I thought there was something about me that seemed not-straight even though I was. But then I realized that I was only using that irritation to hide from the fact that hey, it might be true. What do I know if I’ve never even considered it before? Once I decided I was okay with that, I stopped feeling frustrated by it. My point is, I’m pretty sure I’m straight, but I’m also pretty sure that if I’m okay with other people being gay then I should also be okay if I decide I’m one of them. And I think that’s something everyone should take some time to think about. It’s not about questioning anyone’s sexuality or your own. It’s just about embracing all the possibilities life presents you with because you never know what you might be missing out on. Hanging out with gay people doesn’t make you gay. Talking and thinking cognitively and critically about homosexuality doesn’t make you gay either. And neither does respecting other people’s lifestyles or reading about them in a YA book (where the gay definitely can’t “get” you- that’s the whole point of fiction.) With that said, I personally don’t see a reason I shouldn’t be able to write my characters any way I please and still have as good a chance as anyone getting published, but I know that this is not something that is easily understood or even conceived by many people, so I want to appropriately cater to their needs. Or rather, the needs they think they have verses the needs I think they need. If that makes any sense at all…

EDIT: I decided to go with option one (the two side characters). I may hint at some other undertones but I’m sticking with bromance when it comes to the protagonist.

The Earth Turns On a Tilted Axis, Just Doing the Best It Can – An LGBT Post

Every time I read something about people considering or wanting to commit suicide because of their sexual orientation, I literally want to cry. I was listening to random SafetySuit songs on Youtube a few months back, and clicked on one that ended up being about suicide. Reading through the comments, I felt compelled to share this:

To everyone: I know it might not mean very much coming from a stranger, but just know that even if you feel like there’s nothing left, there is someone out there who sees your worth and beauty, who values your life as much as their own. I may not truly understand your pain but I embrace it with you in the hope that it will provide a little comfort in your time of need. Remember that you are loved, that you represent Truth, and that above all else you are brave and so so beautiful. I love you all.

I don’t know, I just hate that there’s so much hate in the world, and I hate that I hate it because all I’m doing is being a hypocrite by spreading more hate. However, I stand by the principle that there is no such thing as good and evil because life isn’t black and white. If you see it that way, get your eyes checked because you’re blinding yourself from a vibrant, splendiferous world of color that will remain as endless in its shades and whirling in its fleeting vivacity as the continual, canted revolutions of the earth. If some people happen see it as a rainbow, that’s just as well because it’s as equally beautiful as any other assemblage of the unadulterated beauty of humanity.

If you insist on draining out these colors so you can fit the world into a boring, sepia-toned cardboard box, by all means go ahead, but please don’t try to force everyone else to do the same. By telling people their existence is a sin, that for them to love is wrong, that their natural desires for simple companionship are as filthy as dirt, you are suffocating them just as if you’d placed them in your airtight cardboard box. What you fail to realize is that human beings will forever be wondrous, beautiful, complex creatures, that love is a power too pure and potent to suppress, and that in the sunlight, even dirt can glitter like the stars. But you couldn’t possibly know these things in your safe little box because it is a loveless place of twisted and deformed humanity where the hideous sunlight cannot breach. With that in mind, I can’t entirely blame you for your own self-incapacitating ignorance.

But what you also fail to realize is that doing this results in other people, innocent people, also failing to realize these principles, and so just like you, they have never seen the fantastic, thrilling world I speak of. However, unlike you, these people are dying because they can’t find another way to escape outside this box. Recognize that according to your logic, death will not provide the escape they seek. You might try to remove the blame from yourself once more and state that if sexual orientation is a choice, so too is suicide. (In line with the choice argument, it can also be said that if you effectively play a part in bringing about the end of a life barely begun, you violate the core pillar of the pro-life argument. Just something to think about.) And there is some truth in this assertion. But it is no Emancipation Proclamation for your guilt or shame; if fact, it’s just the opposite. Your oppression of your own species for how some color their hearts on the inside is no better than the oppression of those for how they’re colored on the outside. You are subjugating people to an invisible, societal enslavement that literally and figuratively kills. And it breaks my heart.

Let it be known that I’m not attacking anyone here. I’m not trying to force my opinions on anyone, just communicate them from a place of mutual respect. (And before you proliferate the hate some more, make sure you know that when I say “mutual respect” I mean it in terms of respect for other individuals’ opinions that contrast from my own, NOT the effect those opinions have on other parties. I’m perfectly allowed to disagree with an opinion and still maintain respect for the fact that it exists as a form of truth for person that holds it.) I’m not trying to come from a place of superiority or condescension, but from simple self-expression. You may argue that by the right of freedom of speech, if I can say what I want then so can you. But there is a difference between free speech and hate speech. Please make sure you understand that before you open your mouth or get on the internet. Despite the old rhyme standby, words DO hurt. And sometimes, they’re lethal.

If you are someone or you know someone who is trying to cope with a situation involving any of the above, please call 1-800-422-4623 for assistance. Also, the comment box below and my tumblr ask are full of hugs. :3

All right, so I didn’t mean for this to turn into a freaking novel or an awkward lecture, but it just kept coming so I figured I’d let it take its course. I just wanted to say that people aren’t perfect and they aren’t supposed to be, so there’s no reason to be ashamed of who you are no matter what anyone says. They can say what they want, even if it technically violates the law, but as long as you know in your heart that you are worthy of love simply because of the fact that you are alive, then those words are meaningless, brittle, pitiful things that crumble under the emanating intensity of your innate brilliance. Everyone is born exactly as the person they were meant to become and whether you want to leave that for destiny to decide or captain your own soul as you ride against the current, know that that is indeed a choice, but that a lifetime of love and joy is most definitely a right everyone deserves.

Computer Crash

Yeah, title pretty much says it all. Sucks.

Basically, my hard drive decided to stop working. Doesn’t really make sense since I’ve had the new laptop for less than a year. No explanation- working fine one minute, the blue screen of death slaps me in the face and then I can’t get past the start-up menu.

So I may have lost all my data. Or, well, everything new since I got the new pc, so everything important. Lyrics, new novel project, all my school stuff, music (One Direction ftw!!), pictures and videos. On the other hand, there’s a chance it can all be recovered, but for now I’m just going to have to wait and see. If there was ever a time to start praying to God, now’s it.

That might sound a little selfish, but coming from someone with very little religious background, it seems relatively reasonable. It’s only all of my creative endeavors EVER that are gone as if they never existed at all. That’s months and months of work, not to mention a crap-ton of soul searching and brain-wracking and excessive headdesking (virtual cookie for those of you who get the ref!)

I realize this isn’t the best of news to begin an update with, especially since it’s been quite a few months since my last one. I need to get better about that. But for now, here’s a list of things that have been going on in my life:

  • I have become officially obsessed with Sherlock BBC, Supernatural, and One Direction. Don’t judge. I’m allowed to like beautiful people.
  • I made a tumblr account and will get one for twitter as soon as I figure out how tumblr works.
  • I went on the best vacation with two of my best friends a few weeks ago for Spring Break. Felt like a cool college kid for once, which was nice.
  • Got with the program and finally installed Google Chrome.
  • Became a Nerdfighter (well, I was already one at the time of my last post but I didn’t mention it then).
  • Started a new book project (that I may or may not be able to finish now that the fate of my hard drive is unknown). I personally think that it’s pretty freaking sweet though, so I might just end up rewriting the damn thing if I have to. Who knows, maybe it’ll be better second time around? (Unlikely).
  • Stopped watching Glee. It was a semi-sad day, but I decided that it was already so far down the hill my lazy legs were too lazy to want to run after it. The acceptance theme is great and all, but the plot/characters were getting ridiculous. …but I might tune in for the episode where Matt Bomer guest stars, just because he’s a sexy beast who makes all the heterosexuals (myself included) super jealous.
  • Read The Hunger Games. Amazing. Still need to see the movie. Will post review at some point.

The Doctor Is In

Edit: What a lovely conincidence! WordPress has kindly informed me that this is my 50th post! It’s nice that it’s so full of happiness and joy- and just in time for the holiday season! *shot*

I finally uploaded a bunch of stuff to youtube. 21 videos over the course of 6 hours to be exact. Totally worth being sleep deprived. Not that the vids are anything too special; it’s just me displaying my ridiculous nerdiness with my custom-made TV-Size edits of Japanese songs that I like and were never used as anime themes. *sigh*

It’s Winter Break 2011 which means I’ve just finished my first semester of college. Woohoo!! Not as bad as I thought it was going to be, actually. I made a lot of wonderful friends, and I think I learned a few things somewhere in there, but who the hell knows? Changed my major. For now, I’m Pre-Journalism, double-majoring in Mass Media Arts and Film Studies. Why? Because the film industry is coming to Atlanta, and I LOVE worldbuilding which is exactly what I’ll be able to do every single day of my life if I break into the movie biz! So that’s the plan for the time being. Things might change, but I’ve got another 3 1/2 years to figure it out so I’m not gonna worry.

With Hannukah right around the corner, we’re making latkes, hamentashen, rugalach, and also possibly mandel bread and/or scones this weekend. For once, I’m super excited about baking! (I can’t cook for crap lol).

Also, today is my due date brithday! Yay for premies! (It’s sad, because the last time I actually posted something on here, it was 2 days after my actual birthday…) *shot*

Other things: now that I’m on break, I’ve got plenty of time to get creative which means: new lyrics (and hopefully covers/fandubs) coming your way!

I’m also working on a new book project while SOE is on hiatus, so I may put up the prologue and the first chappie if I feel like it. ‘Course if I don’t feel like it, it doesn’t really matter because it’s kinda crap. I wanted to challenge myself this time around, so I’m doing a steampunk-esque setting and revamping how I approach the whole process (aka I’m gonna actually plan ahead and do one of those god-awful outlines I hate haha~)

Because it’s break time, it also means its fun time. Gotta catch up on all the shows and movies and anime that I’ve been missing out on thanks to school getting in the way. Right now, my current obsession in the TV world is Doctor Who (hence the cheesy post title lol). As much as I liked Eccleston, everyone’s right- David Tennant is (excuse my french or should I say scottish?) the shit. I’m only halfway through season 2 right now, but it’s amazing, every nerd’s dream pretty much. Other shows I’m starting or catching up on include: Supernatural, Masterpiece [everything], Dexter, Lost (maybe), and a bunch of others I can’t remember because the list is too effing long. Some anime: Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Baka to Test, Canaan, Fate/Stay Night, Haruhi-chan (can’t believe I never watched that), and probably some others that are also eluding me at the present moment. Why does that always happen?! *sigh*

Saw Hugo with a few friends, and I really recommend it. A great family movie. And damn, Asa Butterfield can act! Seriously, he was amazing in Merlin (another BBC show I’m obsessed with) and even though I never saw The Boy in the Stiped Pyjamas, I knew he’d be brilliant. I think this movie’ll do good things for him since he’s a bit older now (even though he looks like he could still be ten- which is absolutely adorable!) Before that, back in November, I saw Breaking Dawn pt 1 and let me just say that while it was still hilariously shitty, it was definitely the best in the franchise so far. See? I’m giving them some props- everyone deserves a little love, right? I mean, I guess Bella would say that she doesn’t need mine since she’s got Edward’s, but when it’s Kristen Stewart portraying her character, it’s a little difficult to tell considering the lack of emotion and chain-smoker monotone. XD

Other things I can rant about…did all right (hopefully) on my finals. Psych was easy as shit, Japanese wasn’t too bad, English Portfolio was kind of a bitch but I think I’m gonna do well considering, and Phil was a sadly semi-disaster. Oh well, it’s over now and I never have to do it again (assuming I still pass lol).

Well, that’s all for now folks! 🙂

It’s Over 9000! (minus 7996)

Just excited that I broke a thousand views! Thank you to all who’ve visited! It means so much! 🙂

Also, my birthday was Friday and now I’m nineteen! What an awkward year- the last of the teens, but not quite an adult. I feel like the last year flew by so fast, it’s as if it hardly happened at all. I think this song pretty much describes how I feel about things currently…though the music video is quite disturbing…unless you’re into that kind of thing hehe~